To: Coulson, Phil From: Hill, Maria Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
It's nice to see you back and hard at work. Oh wait...I do hope you changed the sheets. Before AND after you finished doing whatever you did in Fury's bed.
Of course, I now can't wait for you to return so I can casually mention in front of Lopez about that time I saw you naked in Fury's bed. I do love feeding that gossip hound's ridiculous stories sometimes.
To: Coulson, Phil From: Hill, Maria Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
I smiled at the photo, not my desk. It wasn't half-naked in the big boss's bed, which is good since wood doesn't turn me on.
It's definitely a favorite game. I think he's convinced the tower is slang for orgy. I might have enabled that belief by mentioning topless hot tubbing and men walking around barely dressed. Enabling can be fun sometimes.
Awww. You're almost sentimental in this life after near death existence of yours. You miss me and Fury when you've got one of your favorite kids and your childhood hero hanging on your every word. I might have shed a tear. Or it might be the onion I'm chopping up for dinner.
To: Coulson, Phil From: Hill, Maria Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
Oh baby, oh baby. You make me so horny. Damn, sarcasm loses its edge when written.
Yes, Stark's rules are meant to be followed. No sex in public places, no overnight guests who don't have security clearance, and a few other things deemed necessary for such a wild and crazy bunch of folks living together. If we weren't in super secret jobs, we'd make an amazing new reality television show. Like a superhero Real World.
It might be his baby, but he shares occasionally. Contrary to popular belief, I get to use on some missions because he knows it's necessary, not because I give an awesome blow job. Not that I don't, but he wouldn't know that from experience.
To: Coulson, Phil From: Hill, Maria Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
If this is your idea of cyber sex, Phil, I think I might need to place some kinky classifieds for you to broaden your experience. And, actually, there is no such rule. Considering the shenanigans that many agents get up to, I think the powers that be determined there would be too much disciplinary if they instituted rules prohibiting that.
Actually, my blowjobs belong to me. They are given as gifts whenever I'm in a generous mood. It's unfortunate that I don't feel very generous all that often, I suppose.
To: Coulson, Phil From: Stark, Tony Subject: Helicarrier
First, I was certain that the suit was part of your body. I'm a bit disappointed that you're all normal underneath.
Second, I'm glad you're on the rebound and have found love with the dear director. He's better than any cellist any day and has many more super secret toys to try out on you.
Third, should I be forwarding this to Pepper so I can be properly jealous of it?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
From: Clint Barton
Subject: Re: Helicarrier
Dude, are you trying to get fired? And what is that grin on your face for? No, nevermind. I'm not asking.
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From: Coulson, Phil
Subject; Helicarrier
I'm trying to show Director Fury how much I love him and his Helicarrier.
I thought you'd be familiar with the concept of a prank war.
no subject
From: Clint Barton
Subject: Re: Helicarrier
I'm sure he's aware of your affection, sir.
Why no, I'm not aware at all of the concept. Enlighten me!
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject; Helicarrier
Really? I'm not sure.
Refilling the ammo cartridges with paintballs in the SHIELD firing range not ringing any bells?
no subject
From: Clint Barton
Subject: Re: Helicarrier
I'm sure I have no idea who did that.
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From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Helicarrier
Of course not.
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From: Nick Fury
Subject: Re: Helicarrier
Agent Coulson:
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUNK.
I never want to see your nipples again. And you better the fuck be wearing pants, Coulson, or you're demoted so fast your head will spin.
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject; Helicarrier
But I've received such compliments on my nipples sir. Agent [CENSORED] found them particularly stimulating.
Your baby is doing well.
no subject
From: Hill, Maria
Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
It's nice to see you back and hard at work. Oh wait...I do hope you changed the sheets. Before AND after you finished doing whatever you did in Fury's bed.
Of course, I now can't wait for you to return so I can casually mention in front of Lopez about that time I saw you naked in Fury's bed. I do love feeding that gossip hound's ridiculous stories sometimes.
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Re: Helicarrier
I hope you managed to smile at your desk.
Leading on Lopez. My favourite office game.
It's odd to be here without you or Fury.
no subject
From: Hill, Maria
Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
I smiled at the photo, not my desk. It wasn't half-naked in the big boss's bed, which is good since wood doesn't turn me on.
It's definitely a favorite game. I think he's convinced the tower is slang for orgy. I might have enabled that belief by mentioning topless hot tubbing and men walking around barely dressed. Enabling can be fun sometimes.
Awww. You're almost sentimental in this life after near death existence of yours. You miss me and Fury when you've got one of your favorite kids and your childhood hero hanging on your every word. I might have shed a tear. Or it might be the onion I'm chopping up for dinner.
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Re: Helicarrier
I turn you on? Hill, you should have said something before I died.
Wait, the tower isn't slang for orgy? Does that mean I'm actually supposed to follow those rules about no public nudity? Oh..
More, I'm suspicious of the fact that he let me take his baby out unsupervised.
no subject
From: Hill, Maria
Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
Oh baby, oh baby. You make me so horny. Damn, sarcasm loses its edge when written.
Yes, Stark's rules are meant to be followed. No sex in public places, no overnight guests who don't have security clearance, and a few other things deemed necessary for such a wild and crazy bunch of folks living together. If we weren't in super secret jobs, we'd make an amazing new reality television show. Like a superhero Real World.
It might be his baby, but he shares occasionally. Contrary to popular belief, I get to use on some missions because he knows it's necessary, not because I give an awesome blow job. Not that I don't, but he wouldn't know that from experience.
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Helicarrier
Now now, isn't there some regulation prohibiting cybering on official SHIELD correspondence.
Shame. We could make a profit off that.
Hill, all your blowjobs are belong to us.
no subject
From: Hill, Maria
Subject: Re: Hellicarrier
If this is your idea of cyber sex, Phil, I think I might need to place some kinky classifieds for you to broaden your experience. And, actually, there is no such rule. Considering the shenanigans that many agents get up to, I think the powers that be determined there would be too much disciplinary if they instituted rules prohibiting that.
Actually, my blowjobs belong to me. They are given as gifts whenever I'm in a generous mood. It's unfortunate that I don't feel very generous all that often, I suppose.
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Helicarrier
I heard you're our resident matchmaker, considering what happened to Fury.
Deputy Director Hill, benevolent goddess of blowjobs. I'll make a note in your file.
What? Asgardian gods don't do it for you?
no subject
From: Stark, Tony
Subject: Helicarrier
First, I was certain that the suit was part of your body. I'm a bit disappointed that you're all normal underneath.
Second, I'm glad you're on the rebound and have found love with the dear director. He's better than any cellist any day and has many more super secret toys to try out on you.
Third, should I be forwarding this to Pepper so I can be properly jealous of it?
no subject
From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Helicarrier
Did you expect a cyborg? Granted, I had the sheet hight enough to cover the scar.
I sent a copy to Pepper. I thought she'd appreciate it.
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From: Stark, Tony
Subject: Helicarrier
Nah, just a never-ending suit under a suit under a suit.
I'm going to need to patch into the office cameras... Seeing Fury's face when he reads this will be priceless.
I hope she laughs. Yes. Laughter will be the appropriate reaction to that.
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From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: Helicarrier
Well, suits are good.
Enjoy.
I see. Cruel man.
no subject
From: Potts, Pepper
Subject: Better than a Cup of Coffee
Maybe I should institute a morning wakeup e-mail of one of the team in the buff. That should keep me lively for board meetings.
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From: Coulson, Phil
Subject: The best think about waking up?
I do like you lively. Careful with those board meetings. I hear too many might make you a dull girl.